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  • Kiara Jacobs

The Well Wishers Vs The Enquirers

I recently had a heated phone call with someone who got quite cranky with me because I didn’t share aspects of my day with them when asked by text. Let me set the scene for you. Our usual daily text exchanges looked something like this:


Them: "Good morning, I hope you slept well"

Me: “Thank you, I hope you did too.”


Them: “Hey you, I hope you had a nice lunch with your friend”

Me: “Thank you!”


And some days I would instigate the communication.


Me: “What an incredibly long and arduous day! Started off amazing, had a great walk with puppy and nice breakfast with the kids, but then getting to work the poop hit the fan. Jenny slept with the accountant and now they’re fighting, causing chaos among the finance team. Corey ate the last donut and Mark decided to complain to HR about it, which made Michael order more donuts, but they didn’t have cream which upset Amy. Horace sprayed deodorant near Karen who has made it clear she is highly sensitive to particular scents, so Karen called an ambulance to treat her ‘allergic’ reaction. How was your day today?”


Them: “Better than yours by the sound of it. Hope you have a better night!”


After a few days of not instigating a message, and replying in kind to the ones I received, which was usually with a simple ‘You too”, I get a rather cranky phone call.


Why don’t you tell me about your day when I ask?


Well, sir, please kindly point out these questions that enquire as to the day I have had?


The well wishes were the questions. They were the open forms of communication he was employing to encourage me to open up about my day, my life.


No, sir, they, in fact, are not questions, merely statements that indicate you hope my days, activities and restful periods went well. I did not feel inclined to respond to them with details of the situation you were wishing well on, because you did not ask for that kind of response.


I have found, from my own personal experience, that males are more inclined to be the wishers of wellness, and women tend to go on novella length rants that usually result in determining the amount of ply their recipient’s toilet paper has through the level of enquiry made into the recipients lives.


Well wishing, in my humble opinion, should count for maybe 30% of our communication. I view it as a way to indicate to someone that they have been on your mind, you care enough about them to send them a message indicating this, yet in that moment you care not about the specifics of their day or their life. 70% of the time we should ask open ended questions. “How was your day?”, “Tell me about your lunch with Scarlet Johansen?”, “What was your romantic getaway like with Jason Statham?”

I said all of this to my friend. I was told I should have ‘Just known” what he meant.


Well…sir…I did not, and will not in the future, see a statement of well-wishing as a gateway question into the convoluted world in which I reside.  


Wish me well but check in to see how much that wish is coming true once in a while!

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